now let me make it right,

Last night was my birthday celebration night.
Or, it was supposed to be.
It ended up feeling like I was the anti-christ and I was coming to crash God's party or something.
Like, we went to Phoenix,
yeah,
that would've been cool ANY other fucking weekend.
But this particular weekend was my birthday celebration.
And Travis wasn't there.
Yeah, he's a fucking dick for going to Amber's and not out with me,
yes, he completely is, and I'm still pissed about it,
but I wasn't going to convince him to come out with us.
And I need Travis there for my birthday.
I just do.
I remember when Ben got so frustrated with me a couple years back for my 19th birthday and I was so upset that I thought Travis wasn't coming but then he ended up surprising me when he got off work and Ben was even more frustrated because then when Travis got there I was so excited and happy in a way that he couldn't do for me, and he told me that, this isn't me speaking for his thoughts.
We had a long talk about it the next day, I remember it very well.
Travis is just someone I have to spend my birthday with.
Period paragraph.

It wasn't that I didn't want to be with Becca and Chuck, I wanted to be with them more than anything,
but the fact of the matter is,
I couldn't be happy at Phoenix knowing it was to celebrate MY birthday and MY Travis wasn't there.
So I gave in,
and I went running in his direction again,
like always,
instead of making him run to me.

The reason I go running in his direction
instead of waiting to see if he runs in mine,
is because
I know
he won't
run anywhere near me.

And it would break my goddamn heart.
So I'd just rather do all the work
and think that he's my best MALE friend in the world
than wait for him to come running
and realize that he could care less about me.

I'm okay with it the way it is.
It's been this way for a long time now and I'm fine with it.
Most of the time.
Except on my birthday.


But,
at any rate,
no one really wanted me to be at Amber's,
or if they did, they had a really strange way of showing it.
Fuck them,
it didn't even bother me though,
I had a blast by inserting myself into other people's conversations
(especially when it made them uncomfortable,
that was the best)
and entertaining myself.


Oh and by the way,
I'm not a stupid slut,
you don't GET to call me a stupid slut.
You didn't want to date me.
So you aren't allowed to call me names
or be mad about me supposedly standing you up.


I don't have time for this shit.