you took me home i drank too much,

I ordered a book online tonight.
It's called I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.
The title alone made me think of myself.
And then I read the little description of it on Amazon,
and it R E A L L Y reminded me of myself.
So I had to have it.
Because that's what a narcissist does.

I chopped off all my hair.
A quick note to my future self:
DON'T BLEACH YOUR HAIR AND THEN PROCEED TO DYE IT TWO DAYS LATER!
You will deeply regret this decision, self.
Better yet,
don't dye your hair black ever again unless it's short enough that you can just let the black grow out.
Or if you're willing to dye it black for the rest of your life,
which normally,
I would be (considering it's my fall-back color because it looks good and covers up any mistakes)
but SINCE I am so fond of changing my hair color every few months,
black is not a good idea.
Not now that I know my hair really ISN'T indestructible.

Seriously though,
I didn't realize how long my hair was
until
it was all
lying
on the floor.
About five inches or so.
And now
I think I have about four inches of hair.
OK, maybe more than that.
In some areas.
Eh, I'm not good at estimating sizes.

Well, actually...
Nah, nevermind.
I'll leave that one alone. It's too easy.


Travis is coming over either tomorrow or Wednesday to watch the first two episodes of that new show Trust Me.
Yeah, maybe I am retarded for trying so hard to stay "close" to him.
Or, maybe everyone else should just fuck off.
I like that better.
If my two options are either I'm retarded or the world can go to hell,
I think I'll pick the world's fate over admitting my retardation any day.

Really though.
First of all, movies, TV, music,
this is how he and I bond.
This is what we stay close about.
Not personal shit.
Is it a messed up friendship?
Absolutely.
Would I have it any other way?
Maybe some things.
But do I want to have the kind of friendship with him that, say, Becca and I have?
That Michelle and I have?
The kind where I talk to him about anything and everything I can think of?
No.
He doesn't want to know everything about me.
And there are things I don't want him to know.
I like things the way they are.
Do I wish he took a slightly larger active interest in me,
in the way that, oh I don't know, say MY BIRTHDAY
was a priority to him?
Yes, I do.
But that's how he is,
that's how he and I operate.
And at the end of the day (on most days),
I'm okay with it.
I still love him.
He's still my favorite person to laugh with.
And he's still, and will always be,
the one I end up staying up laughing with at a party
way past the time the sun comes up and everyone else has gone to bed.

And that's really all I ask for.


I don't feel like sleeping.
And I chopped off all my damn hair.
Sigh.